A CuCan AristoCat Story
by Luckysee12
Summary: Neko!CuCan. When the Butler gets rid of Matthew for his inheritance, who will help him and his son get back to Paris? Based off of the AristoCats. Made for ReverseAlchemist on DA Please R&R. I do not own Disney or Hetalia.


The streets of Paris are a wonderful sight. The bakery down the street makes the most delicious smell, the grass is fresh and green and horses lead carriages up and down the cobbled streets. Monsieur Francis Bonnefoy rides in a coach with his pets, Matthew and Kuma, the horse bobbing his head as he makes his way through the streets.

"Oh Mathieu, my little one, you are going to be as beautiful as your mother! Ah, I miss Jeanne." Francis said, reminiscing about the cat's mother. Matthew meowed in agreement. Kuma jumped up onto the butler's hat. "Careful, Kuma! You're making it very difficult for Arthur." Francis chided the small cat. Arthur grabbed the small white kitten and set him down on the seat next to him, and slowed the horse. "Whoa, Elizaveta, whoa. Steady, girl." He steadied the chestnut mare.

"Thank you, Arthur." Francis tells him as he steps out of the carriage. Elizaveta gave a quick neigh, obviously wanting something. "Oh. Of course, Liza, I almost forgot," Francis laughs lightly, holding a sugar cube out in his hand, which the horse takes and begins chewing on. "Sir, uh- may I take your parcel, Sir? It really is much too heavy for you, Sir." "Now, now, that's nonsense, Arthur. Don't fuss over me."

Kuma was darting around Elizaveta's legs, playing a game with himself. Matthew gently spoke to him, "Kuma, come back here. Haven't you forgotten something?" "Thank you, Miss Elizaveta, for letting me ride on your back." Kuma told her, saying more than he usually did. Elizaveta chuckled. "You are quite welcome, young man." "How was that, Mama?" After Matthew had more-or-less adopted the young kitten, he had been calling him 'Mama' even though Matthew told him to say 'Papa' or 'Matthew'. Kuma never could remember 'Matthew' and was too stubborn to say 'Papa'. Matthew smiled the best a cat could "Very good, darling, that was very nice."Francis called to them from the door. "Come along, Mathieu, Kuma, come along, Oh, and Arthur, I'm expecting my attorney, Im Soo Yong. You remember him, of course." Francis went through the doorway, leaving Arthur to say "Of course, Sir. How could anyone forget him?"

~EWTBAC~

Later, an old half-broken car with sputtering and backfiring engine came closer and stopped at Francis's door. "Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay" Sang the Asian man inside, and he kept singing as he got out of the car. "Oh. Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay," The man almost fell down, tripping. "Oops! That was close. Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay!" He sang as he entered the house. Arthur was waiting for him inside the door. "Ah, good day, sir. Monsieur Francis is expecting you, sir." Arthur took the scarf from Im Soo Yong's neck "Evening, evening, Arthur, Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay" Im Soo Yong threw his hat on Arthur's head

"Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ay" Arthur chuckled at him, "Oh, another ringer, sir. You never miss." Im Soo Yong raced up the stairs, "Come on, Arthur. Last one up the stairs is a nincompoop!" Arthur groaned lightly, and tried to persuade the eager man "Could we take the elevator this time, sir?" Im Soo Yong stuck out his tongue "That bird cage? Poppycock! Elevators are for old people. Oops!" He tripped again but was caught by Arthur. "Oh, uh- may I give you a hand, sir?" Im Soo Yong laughed loudly "You haven't got an extra foot, have you, Arthur?" Arthur laughed with him, "That always makes me laugh, sir. Yes. Every time." They both nearly tripped. "Whoa! What what you're doing!" "Careful, sir. Oh please! I'm frightfully sorry, sir!" "Don't panic Arthur. Upward and onward! Whee! Am I going too fast for you, Arthur?" He yelled as he went up on his way. Arthur sighed. "Oh please, sir, hold on!"

~EWTBAC~

Francis sat before a mirror, quite large, but he always did care about looking good. "There now, Mathieu. That's better. We must both look our best for Im Soo Yong. He's one of our oldest and dearest friends, you know." He smiles as he pets the fluffy cream-colored cat, which mewed once before a knock came on the door "Come in." Francis calls, still petting Mathieu. Arthur stepped in, panting, with his pants nearly falling down, out of breath from the chase. "Announcing... Monsieur...Im...Soo...Yong!" He said between pants. Im Soo Yong walked in and Kuma started playing with him, batting at his feet, the man not bothered at all.

"Oh, my goodness, Arthur. I know its Im Soo Yong." Francis laughed lightly. "So good to see you, Georges." Kuma batted at a record player and started it and Habanera from Carmen

started playing. "Francis, that, that music, it's from Carmen, isn't it?" "That's right. It was my favorite role." Francis nodded. He used to be quite a famous actor. "Yes, yes! It was the night of your grand premiere that we first met, remember?" "Oh, indeed I do." Francis said remembering that night so long ago. "And how we celebrated your success! Champagne, dancing the night away. I believe you got a few ladies that night, you rascal."

"Ah, Im Soo Yong, all you ever think about is the women," Francis teased. Im Soo Yong began dancing in the room to the tune. "Now, Im Soo Yong, do be serious. I've asked you to come here on a very important legal matter." Francis chided. "Wha-? Oh! Splendid! Splendid!" He says and sits behind the table. Seemingly at the right time, Kuma knocked the needle off the player. "Who do you want me to sue, eh?" Francis laughed "Oh, come now, Im Soo Yong, I don't wish you to sue anyone. I simply want to make my will." Im Soo Yong put on his reading glasses and made a serious face "Will? Will. Well. Now, then, who are the beneficiaries?"

"Well, as you know, I have no living relatives," Arthur listened intently through a long hose in the wall, from his room. "And naturally, I want my beloved cats to be always cared for. And certainly no one can do this better than my faithful servant, Arthur." Im Soo Yong looked up at him quizzically "Arthur? Francis, you mean to say you're leaving your vast fortune to Arthur? Everything you possess? Stock and bonds? This- This mansion? Your country chateau? Art treasures, jewels and-" Arthur is nearly dancing, positively happy. He would get EVERYTHING. "No, no, no, Im Soo Yong, to my cats." "To your cats?" "Cats?" Arthur gasped. "Yes. I simply wish to have the cats inherit first. Then, at the end of their life span, my entire estate will revert to Arthur."

Arthur was seething with anger "Cats inherit first! And I come after the cats. I, me, after- no.

It's not fair! I've waited years for this and put up with that frog, being at his beck and call! Being polite to the git and I have to wait even longer? Ooh! I mean, each cat will live about 12 years. I can't wait. And each cat has nine lives, that's two times twelve multiplied by nine times. No it's less than that. Anyway, it's much longer that I'd ever live. I'll be gone. No. Oh, no. They'll be gone. I'll think of a way. Why, there are a million of reasons why I should! All of them dollars. Millions. Those cats have got to go!"

~EWTBAC~

Matthew lay down on a seat cushion while Kuma ran around on the floor, playing games with himself. Eventually he began to claw at the furniture legs. "Kuma," Matthew told him, "You need to stop that."

Kuma gave him a look of complete innocence "Practicing biting and clawing." He said. "Aristocrats do not practice biting and clawing and things like that - it's just horrible!" Matthew scolded the best he could. Kuma licked his paw, bringing it up behind his ear and rubbing. "Might meet alley cat." And he jumped on the floor, snarling and hissing, and then licked his lips. Matthew laughed "Now that will do." Kuma began to play again and eventually began acting strange. He almost stomped across the floor, his brows scrunched up. "What are you doing, Kuma?" "Being Arthur." He said, a small smile on his face. Matthew wasn't very pleased. "You know Arthur is so fond of us and takes very good care of us."

~EWTBAC~

But downstairs Arthur was holding a jar of ACME Sleeping Tablets singing to himself.

"Rock-a-bye, kitties, bye-bye you go

La la la la, and I'm in the dough

Oh Arthur, you sly old fox."

He prepared some food, after emptying into it all of those tablets, humming

Rock-a-bye baby along the way. After it's ready he takes a spoonful and almost

tasted it. "Oops! Oh, dear! A slip of a hand and it's off to dreamland. I say, that's not at all bad. "Slip of the hand, dreamland" That sounds like a spell almost."

~EWTBAC~

"It's time to practice your scales and your arpeggios." Matthew reminded Kuma. Kuma didn't talk too much, and not normally in complete sentences but that all went down the drain when he sang. Kuma loved to sing, and was almost a different cat. Kuma quickly ran up, hitting keys, and took his place on the edge of the piano to sing. Matthew made his way over and placed his paws gently over the keys. "Ready?" He asked. Kuma nodded eagerly. Matthew began to play, his paws skillfully going over the keys, as skillfully as a cat could play the piano. Kuma began to sing in a happy voice, clearly.

"Doe me so doe doe so me doe

Every truly cultured music student knows

You must learn your scales and your arpeggios

And the music ringing from your chest and not your nose

While you sing your scales and your arpeggios

If you're faithful to your daily practicing

You will find your progress is encouraging

Doe me so me doe me so me fa la so it goes

When you sing your scales and your arpeggios"

Matthew began to sing with.

"Doe me so doe-

Doe me so doe doe so me doe

Doe me so doe doe so me doe

Though at first it seems as though it doesn't show

Like a tree, ability will root and grow

"If you're smart you'll learn by heart

what every artist knows

You must sing your scales

And your arpe-e-e-gios!"

They both got off the piano and were on the ground when Arthur came in. "Ah, good evening, my little ones." He walked in, humming 'rock-a-bye-baby', carrying dishes with the sleep

Drug he made. "Your favorite dish, prepared a very special way. It's crème de la crème a la Arthur. Sleep well. I-I mean, eat, eat well, of course." Arthur stumbled over his words, and then departed. The cats were eating the Crème in silence, enjoying the meal. Alfred came out of his mouse-hole, sniffed, and appeared with a cracker.

"Yo Mattie. Hey Kuma." "Good evening, monsieur Alfred." Matthew greeted him, Kuma not lifting his head. Alfred sniffed the air "Mm! Something smells good. What is that?" "It's crème de la crème a la Arthur. Won't you join us, monsieur Alfred?" "Yeah, of course dude! Look I even brought a cracker." "Come on Alfred, have some," Matthew nodded to his bowl. "Don't mind if I do,"Alfred dipped his cracker in the dish and ate half of the cracker. "Mm. Ooh. Very good. Not Mickey D's, but my compliments to the chef." He quickly finished the cracker. "Double delicious! This calls for another cracker. I'll be right back." Kuma yawned, and Alfred went slower, yawned, and fell asleep "So, that's... crème... de la crème... a la Arthur."

~EWTBAC~

After the sun set, Arthur came out of the mansion with a basket with the cats tucked inside. He took his motorcycle and carried them away from Paris. The backfiring of Arthur's motorcycle woke the black dog Ludwig. "Gilbert, hey, Gilbert." Gilbert's white head poked up from hay. "Gilbert!" "I'm right here!" "Listen. Wheels approaching." "Oh, West" Gilbert moaned, using the nickname he gave to Ludwig "we bit six tires today. Chased four motorcars and a bicycle and a scooter. Not to mention that training you insisted on doing." Ludwig shushed him "Hush your mouth!"

He raised an ear."Two-cylinder, chain drive, one squeaky wheel on the front, it sounds like." They started walking towards the door. "Now, you go for the tires, and I'll go right for the seat of the problem." "How come you always grab the tender part for yourself?" Gilbert complained, stepping on his own ear in his drowsy state and fell down. "'Cause I outrank you, that's why. Now sound the attack!"

Gilbert gave a quick loud bark. "No, that's mess call!" Ludwig growled. "Made a mess of it, huh?" Gilbert joked. "You can be replaced, you know." Gilbert rolled his eyes. "Okay, let's charge!" Gilbert lunged forward and the dogs attacked Arthur and the basket with cats was knocked out of his arms, and during the chase both dogs got into his motorcycle. Arthur tried to coax the dogs out. "Nice doggy! Nice doggy! Heel, roll over, play dead!" Now the dogs had the motorcycle all for themselves. "This sure beats running!" Gilbert grinned. The motorcycle broke apart, and the chase scenes continued until Edgar got on the main part of the motorcycle and the dogs ended up in the passenger seat. "Step on the gas, West!" Gilbert yelled. "I got her wide open!" Arthur escaped the dogs, the dogs escaping with the sidecar.

~EWTBAC~

A thunderclap woke Matthew up, now under a bridge. "Oh! Oh, where am I? I am not at home at all. Kuma, where are you? Answer me! Kuma, where are you?" "Here Mama." Came from just outside the basket on the ground. "Oh, Kuma are you all right?" "Fall out of bed?" Kuma asked. He began to speak in sentences for a bit "I was having a dream. Arthur was in it. And we were all riding and bouncing along-" A frog croaked. "Frogs? Uh-oh, it wasn't a dream. Arthur did this to us. Arthur. Bad." Kuma reverted to incomplete sentences again, now that his point was made clear.

"Arthur? Oh, but that- why, that's ridiculous. Thunder rumbled again. "Mama! Afraid! Go home." Kuma buried his head in Matthew's fur. "Now, now, Kuma. Don't be frightened." Some more loud thunder made Matthew scream a little."Oh dear, oh dear! Let's get into the basket." He said, hustling Kuma into the basket. "What will happen?" "Well, I- I just don't know. It does look hopeless, doesn't it?" Matthew couldn't really give a good answer. "Home." Kuma said before curling up against Matthew again. "Oh. Poor Francis. He will be so worried when he finds us gone..."

~EWTBAC~

It was thundering at the mansion too, and a thunderclap woke up Francis, like it had Matthew. "Mathieu? Kuma? Oh, my gracious! I had the most horrible dream about them. Thank goodness it was only a dream. Oh dear, what a terrible night. Now, now, don't be frightened. The storm will soon pass." He spoke to the curtain covering the cat's basket. He pulled it to the side, smiling but that faded when he saw it was empty. "Oh! Oh, no! They're gone!" He ran out of the bedroom. "Mathieu? Kuma? Where are you? Mathieu!"

Alfred stumbled out of his hole, the sleeping tablets finally wearing off. "They're gone! They're gone!" Francis repeated. Alfred was confused. "Mattie, Kuma, gone? Why, that's horrible! But where? Why? Good heavens! Anything could happen to them on a night like this! Get washed down a storm drain, struck by lightning. Oh, they'll need help. I'll need to be their hero! I've just got to find them." Alfred ran through his hole down the pipes, and out of the mansion, calling for the cats. "Mattie! Kuma! Where are you?"

~EWTBAC~

Matthew woke up to someone singing. He looked up above him to see a dark brown, sleek cat sitting up on a tree branch, singing to his heart's content.

"I like a chee-chee-chee-chee-rony

Like they make at home

Or a healthy fish with a big backbone

I'm Abraham de Cliosa

Miquel Leosa

Juan Famosa

Famosa the alley cat!

I've got that wanderlust

Gotta walk the scene

Gotta kick up highway dust

Feel the grass that's green

Gotta strut them city streets

Showin' off my eclat, yeah!"

At this point he had noticed Matthew, but pretended he didn't.

"Tellin' my friends of the social elite

Or some cute cat I happen to meet

That I'm

Abraham de Cliosa

Miquel Leosa

Juan Famosa,

Famosa the alley cat!"

Matthew laughed. "Why, monsieur, your name seems to cover all of Europe,"

"Well of course. I'm the only cat of my kind.

I'm king of the highway

Prince of the boulevard

Duke of the avant-garde

They world is my backyard

So if you're goin' my way

That's the road you wanna seek

Calcutta to Rome or home sweet home

In Paris

Magnifique, you all"

Kuma whispered "Alley cat."

"I only got myself

And this big old world

But I sip that cup of life

With my fingers curled

I don't worry what road to take

I don't have to think of that

Whatever I take is the road I make

It's the road of life, make no mistake

For me,

yeah, Abraham de Cliosa,

Miquel Leosa

Juan Famosa,

Famosa the alley cat!

That's right, and I'm very proud of that.

Yeah!"

Matthew laughed and clapped "Bravo! Very good. You are a great talent." He got out of the basket and sat under the tree, looking up through the branches."Hey there sexy," Juan said and winked, before the tree branch snapped and he fell onto his back, looking straight up at the crème colored cat. It didn't break because he was fat or anything! He quickly tried to save face. "Oh, uhh thank you. What's your name? "My name is Matthew." He said, quietly, for he was a bit shy. "Matthew. If you listened to my song, you'd know that my name is Juan."

"Um,yes, I drew that conclusion. That was a nice song, but not exactly Mozart." Stammered Matthew, rather flustered. Juan shook it off. "Of course not. That's pure Famosa there. I got a million of them." "Oh, no more, please. I am really in a great deal of trouble." Matthew told him. Maybe he could help. "Trouble? Helping beautiful dame- uh, damsels in distress is my specialty. Now, what's the hang-up, your ladyship?" "Um, I'm a boy." Juan looked a little embarrassed at this. He thought he was a girl. "Well, it is most important that I get back to Paris. So if you would be just so kind and show me the way..." Matthew continued, slightly blushing from having Juan think he was a girl. "Show you the way? Heck, I'll give you the grand tour, the two of us!" Matthew looked down at his paws. "Um, three. My son..." "Oh, you have a lady at home then?" Juan asked. "N-no, he's more adopted." Matthew went back to the basket and lifted out Kuma.

"I'm a tough alley cat too." Kuma said, smiling. Juan winked at him. "Hey there! You're comin' on. I'll bet you're a real tiger in your neighborhood!" "Practice." Kuma swiped a paw through the air. "Now, now, Kuma, come along." "Yes Mama." Juan smirked like a Cheshire cat. "I thought you were a boy?" He teased. Matthew got flustered. "I-I am, Kuma, just, oh how do I explain this, he can't remember 'Matthew', and refuses to say 'Papa'"

"Now that's quite a family. But I'm gonna get you two to Paris."

"Is there anything I can-?"

"No, no, no, baby. Now you just hide over there and you leave the rest to Juan M. Famosa. You two get in the basket." He said jumping up a tree. Matthew nods and shuffled Kuma into the basket. A car came barreling along. Juan jumped down from the tree and smacked against the windshield (less graceful than planned) and screeched.

"Sacre bleu!" The driver yelled as the truck stopped "Sapristi! Stupid cat! Brainless lunatic!" She yelled as she started the truck again, her brown pigtails shaking with the movement. "All right, step lively! All aboard for Paris!" Kuma and Matthew clammered out of the basket and onto the truck. "Why, Mister Juan , you could have lost your life!" "So I got a few to spare. Nothin'." Juan smiled. "How can we ever thank you?" Matthew asked. "It was my pleasure entirely." Juan insisted. The truck started to crawl along and Juan sat on the road, waving them off.

"Aloha. Auf weidersehen. Bon soir. Saranora. And all those goodbye things, baby." Kuma waved back. "Goodby-" The truck hit a bump in the road and Kuma fell out. The truck started to go a bit faster, leaving the kitten behind. "Kuma!" Matthew yelled. Juan saw this and ran to the kitten, picked him up by the scruff of his neck and carried him to the truck, which was going faster and faster, and jumped in with him. "Oh, Kuma, are you alright?"

"Yes, mama." "Haven't we met before?" Juan joked as he sat down in the truck. Matthew nodded."Oh, and I'm so very glad we did." "Thank you." Kuma bowed his head lightly. "No trouble at all, little guy. And when we get to Paris, I'll show you the time of your life." "Oh, I'm so sorry, but, well, we just couldn't. You see, my master will be so worried about us." Juan looked to the side "Well, humans don't really worry too much about their pets." "Oh no! You just don't understand. He loves us very much. Poor Francis."

In that big mansion, all alone.

In all our days, in tender ways, his love for us was shown.

And so, you see, we can't leave him alone.

He'd always say that we're the greatest treasure he could own.

Because with us he never felt alone.

"Oh, Alfred, I've never been so worried about you. Did you have any luck at all?" Elizaveta asked. "Not a sign of them, Lizzy, and I've searched all freaking night."The horse sighed. "I know. And poor Francis didn't sleep a wink either." "Oh, it's a sad day for all of us." Alfred sighed. Arthur walked in humming happily. "Morning, Elizaveta, my pretty steed. Can you keep a secret? Hmm?"He waved a newspaper about in the air.

"Of course you can. I've some news straight from the horse's mouth ,if you'll pardon the expression, of course. Look, Elizaveta, I've made the headlines. 'Mysterious catnapper abducts family of cats'. Aren't you proud of me?" Alfred whispered to himself "Arthur's the catnapper?"

"The police said it was a professional, masterful job. The work of a genius. No bad, eh, Elizaveta, old girl?" Arthur prided himself, slapping Elizaveta on the rump with the newspaper, causing a whinny. "Oh, they won't find a clue to implicate me. Not one single clue. Why, I'll, I'll eat my hat if they- My hat! My umbrella! Oh! Oh, gracious! I've forgot to get those things back tonight!" Arthur cursed himself under his breath. Alfred climbed out of the oats. "Why that damned bastard of a butler."

~EWTBAC~

"Anyone for breakfast?" Juan asked. "Breakfast?" Matthew asked, one paw rubbing at his violet eyes. "Yeah, here." He nudged the lid off a can of cream in the back of the truck. Kuma made his way to the cream and ate eagerly after thanking Juan. Matthew and Juan joined too. Interrupting the meal they heard the driver yell "Sapristi!" and stop the truck. The driver had seen them in the rearview mirror! "Sacre bleu! Thieves! Robbers! Mangy tramps!" The driver yells at them throwing things at them.

The cats quickly retreated, and afterwards Matthew said, "What a mean human!" "Well, some humans are like that, Duchess. I've learned to live with 'em." Juan told him. Kuma hissed. "I'll show him." He said. Juan put a paw in front of him "Hey, cool it, you little tiger. That girl's dynamite." "Oh, I'll be so glad when we get back home." Matthew sighed. "That's a long way off, so we better get moving." Juan said and they walked along the road, coming to a bridge." Now be careful," Matthew warned when Kuma jumped up on the side rails.

Kuma made little train noises, playing until a real train whistles. Juan calmed them. "All right, now don't panic. Down underneath here." They hid under the side rails in the small space left there. The train passed and Juan and Matthew get out, but Kuma fell backwards down into the river. "Kuma! Oh, Kuma!" Juan squeezes under the rail and yells to Kuma. "Keep your head up, Kuma! Here I come!" He jumped off and swam to the kitten. Matthew looked and saw a tree growing inwards to the river and climbed to a low-hanging branch. "Juan! Juan, up here!" He yells, and Juan passes Kuma up to Matthew and continues down the river. "Juan? Oh, Juan! Take care!" Matthew calls after him as he went farther down the river. "I'm all right, honey, don't worry. I'll see you downstream." Juan said, floating along.

"But Lovino it's so nice out fratello, how can you be mad?"

"I just can bastard."

"Oh, fratello that's not nice. Oh look over there!"

The two geese see Juan holding onto a log in the river.

"Look at that, a cat learning to swim!"

"That bastard doesn't know how to do it right."

"We'll have to show him how then!"

The two brown geese got into the water and swam towards Juan.

"Ah, Hello, we just happened to see that you aren't swimming properly."

"That's putting it lightly. You can't swim worth shit, bastard."

Juan told them (through clenched teeth) "Oh no, back off boys, I'm doin' fine."

"First, you must gain self-confidence by striking out on your own."

"Go away! I'm trying' to get to shore."

"And don't worry about form. It will come later. Now to learn how to-"

Juan gave a tug on their tail feathers, and they both shriek

"No! Now, this is no time for fun and games."

They laughed, watching bubbles coming from where Juan was.

"You don't think-?

"He went under, idiot."

They turned over and looked underwater, then turned back upright.

Matthew and Kuma ran along the shore.

"You really did quite well for a beginner."

"Oh Juan! Thank goodness you're safe!"

"Can I help you?" Kuma called out. Juan gasped "Help? I've had all the help I can take.""Oh, thank you so much for helping mister Juan."

"Of course. But first, introductions. I am Feliciano Vargas, and this is my brother-"

"Lovino Vargas."

"We're twins"

"Oh, how nice. I never would have guessed."

"We're on holiday."

"For a walking tour on France."

"Swimming, some of the way."

"On water, of course."

The two geese laugh.

Matthew told Juan "Juan, this is Feliciano and Lovino Vargas."

"Yeah honey. Get those two web-footed lifeguards outta here!"

"Now, now, Juan." Matthew chided.

Juan submitted "Okay, okay baby. Hiya, chicks."

"We're not chickens. We're geese."

"No. I thought you were swans." Juan said, very sarcastically, getting a look from Matthew.

"Oh, you flatter! You have a gem of a husband there."

"Well, uh, you see.. I, I'm not exactly his husband." Juan stuttered.

"Exactly? You either are or you're not, bastard."

"All right. I'm not."

"It's scandalous."

"He's nothing but a cad."

"Absolutely, possibly a reprobate."

"A roué. His eyes are too close together."

"Shifty too."

"And look at that crooked smile."

"His chin is very weak too."

"Obviously a philanderer who trifles with unsuspecting victim's hearts."

"Please, please, let me explain. Juan is a dear friend of ours. He's just helping us to get-"

"Come on, Matthew, come on. Let's get out of here. Well, boys, see ya around. We're on our way to Paris."

"Oh, how nice! We're going to Paris ourselves."

"Why don't you join us?"

"I think that's a splendid idea." Matthew thought it was a good idea,

"Oh, no." Juan was less than enthusiastic.

"Ready everyone?" The geese obviously don't know what 'no' means.

"Now think goose! Forward, march!"

"When we get to Paris, you must meet uncle Antonio."

"Antonio?"

"Yes, he's our uncle. We are to meet uncle Antonio at le Petit Café"

"Le Petit Cafe? Oh, that's that famous restaurant. Ah, c'est magnifique." Matthew was pleased to hear that.

~EWTBAC~

"Sacre blue! Ow! Oh! He bit my finger! Get out! Go! Go! Get out! Scram!" The chef yelled, Antonio rushing out the door. "Good riddance! Eating all of my tomatoes! Stupid goose." The chef muttered angrily.

"Why, why, it's uncle Antonio now!

"Ahh! Feli! Lovi! My two flavorite nef phews!

"You've been drinking again tomato bastard?"

"Oh dear! What happened to your lovely tail feathers?"

"Boys, it's outrageous! Why, you won't believe what they tried to do to your poor old uncle Toni [hic] Look. Look at this! Prime country goose a la provencal stuffed with chestnuts and basted in white wine [hic]"

"Basted? He's been marinated in it." Juan remarked.

"Oh! oh, oh, oh uncle Antonio, you're just too much."

"You mean he's had too much."

"We best get uncle Antonio to bed."

"Why, I say there, now, what's all the whis-whispering about, huh?"

"Shh, shh!"

"Now, now, now, now, girls, girls! Don't shush your old uncle Toni! Why you'll, you'll wake up the whole neighborhood!"

"Shh! No!"

"Whoopee! Neighborhood!"

"Come to sleep, uncle Toni"

"Oh, yes, I think we'd better be going, the tomato bastard gets touchy-feely when he's this drunk."

"Oh, righto, boys. Birds of a feather must [hic] together."

"That's stick together, bastard."

They waddled off, Antonio singing off-key Disney songs (at least they assumed so) and the other geese shushing him.

"You know something?" Juan said "I like uncle Waldo."

"Especially when he's marinated!" Laughed Matthew.

~EWTBAC~

"Elizaveta, here comes Arthur!" Warned Alfred "Hurry, Alfred, hop aboard the motorcycle and for goodness sakes, do be careful!" Elizaveta said, Alfred giving a bright grin. Arthur appeared in the stable with a fishing pole and in squeaky shoes. "Ah, Elizaveta, tonight operation catnapper will be completed. Wish me luck. Fisherman's luck." Arthur told her. "See ya!" Alfred said, soon falling off the motorcycle.

~EWTBAC~

Ludwig and Gilbert lay sleeping next to a haystack by a windmill, Gilbert in the basket, and Ludwig in the sidecar. Ludwig got woken up by Arthur's squeaky shoes and alerted Gilbert. "Gilbert! Gilbert! Listen!" "West, it's nothing but a cricket." Gilbert groaned sleepily. "No, it's not. It's squeaky shoes." Ludwig argued. "Cricket bugs don't wear shoes."

"Let's see. They're oxford shoes. Size nine-and-a-half. Hole in the left sole, it sounds like." "What color are they?" Gilbert asks. "Bruder, how would I know that?" Arthur took off the shoes, seeing the dogs listening intently. "Hey, now the squeakin' has stopped." "I still say it was a cricket." Gilbert just rolled over. "I'll see you in the morning, then." After the dogs settled down again, Arthur tried to pick his hat from Ludwig but it fell on Gilbert. Ludwig found the loss of the hat.

"That's my hat. Why'd you take it?" "I didn't do anything!" Gilbert insisted. Ludwig took it back and begins to sleep with his paws over his hat. Arthur gets an idea and reaches over to Ludwig's side." "Ooh, whoo, heh. Mmm. ohh. mm. ooh, oh, heh. oooh! Mm-mm.. that feels good," Ludwig said. "Mm-mm. ooh.. ooh! A little lower and faster there. Right there. That's good. Oh. ooh, ooh!" Arthur took the moment to reach over and take the hat. Ludwig sank back down, his itch satisfied. Arthur lifted the cat basket where Gilbert slept in and let him slide into Ludwig. "Mmm. It's warm and, mm-mm, cozy." Gilbert said, still asleep. Arthur pulled on his umbrella and it made the horn blow, causing Arthur to fall on the dogs.

"Hey!"

"Ahh!"

"Wha-wha-what's goin' on? Bruder, what in the hell were you trying to do?"

"Oh, I get blamed for everything."

"Wait a minute! Where's my hat? Where- and somebody stole my umbrella!"

"Well, where's my basket?"

"And whoever it is, is gonna get it and get it good."

Gilbert chuckles "This time I get the tender part."

"Hush, now come on."

Gilbert stepped into the shoes and didn't see he had them on. "Hey, West! Ooh, it's the shoes again."

"Ja,Ja I hear them."

They see the haystack start to move and wheel away on one wheel. "Look! It's moving! Get it!" They jumped into the haystack, yelling and fighting. Arthur barely made it away that time.

~EWTBAC~

"Juan, Francis will be so worried. Are you sure we can't get home tonight?" "Mama, I'm tired." "Look baby, it's late, and the boy's bushed." "How much farther is it, Juan?"

"Keep your whiskers up, baby. It's just beyond the next chimney pot. Well, there it is. My own penthouse pad. It's not exactly the Ritz, but it's peaceful and quiet." Contrary to what he said a trumpet blew "Oh! Oh, no. Sounds like Jack and his gang have dropped by." "Oh. Friends of yours?" "Uh-huh. Yeah. They're old buddies and they're real swingers." "Swingers? What is a swinger?" Matthew asked. " You know. Uh, not exactly your type, Matthew. Maybe we'd better find another place, huh?" "Oh no, no, no, I would like to see your pad, and meet your Jack."

"Well, okay." They perched up on the roof window ledge, looking down. "Hey, Jack! Blow some of that sweet stuff my way!" Juan called down to the cats. Jack laughed up at him "Well, looky here! Big man Famosa is back in his alley! Swing on down here, daddy." "Lay some skin on me, Jack, yeah!" "Buona sera, paesano!" Veneziano and Romano welcomed. "Welcome home, Famosa!" Peter smiled "Matthew," Juan introduced, "this is the greatest cat of 'em all. Jack, this is Matthew."

"Oh, I'm delighted to meet you, monsieur Jack." Matthew greeted. Jack kissed his paw "Likewise, Matthew. You're too much." "Oh, ho, ho. You are charming! And your music it so- so different. But so exciting." Kuma was very excited at this new music. "It isn't Beethoven, mama, but it sure bounces." He said, his tail flicking back and forth. Jack chuckled "Say! This kitten cat knows where it's at!" "Knows where what's at?" Matthew asked. "Well, let me elucidate here."

Jack: Everybody wants to be a cat

Because a cat's the only cat

Who knows where it's at

Juan: Tell me!

Everybody's pickin' up on that feline beat

'Cause everything else is obsolete

Jack: Strictly high-button shoes.

Juan: A square with a horn

Makes you wish you weren't born

Jack: Everytime he plays.

Juan: But with a square in the act

You can set music back

Jack: To the caveman days

[scats]

Juan: I've heard some corny birds who tried to sing

Jack: Still the cat's the only cat

Who knows how to swing

Ivan: Who wants to dig a long-haired gig

And stuff like that

Juan and Jack: When everybody wants to be a cat

A square with a horn

Makes you wish you weren't born

Every time he plays

Juan: Oh, a-rinky-tinky-dinky

Juan and Jack: With a square in the act

You can set music back

To the caveman days

Kuma: Oh, a-rinky-dinky-tinky

Juan: Yes,

Juan and Kuma: Everybody wants to be a cat

Because a cat's the only cat

Who knows where it's at

When playin' jazz he always has

A welcome mat

Juan, Kuma, Jack: 'Cause everybody digs a swingin' cat

Yao: Oh boy, fellas! Let's rock the joint!

Ivan: Ha-ha! Groove it, cat!

Yao: Shanghai, Hong Kong, Egg Foo Young

Fortune cookie always wrong

That's a hot one!

"How 'bout you and me, Matthew? Care to dance?" Matthew smiled at him."Yes. Let's swing it, Juan." Jack passed a trumpet to Kuma and said "Blow it, small fry. Blow it." The trumpet made a strangled sound.

Yao said "Boy, he blew it"

Veneziano and Romano smiled "But he was a-close."

Eventually Matthew was playing a harp.

Jack "Mmm."

"Beautiful" Juan told him.

Matthew: If you want to turn me on

Play your horn, don't spare the tone

And blow a little soul into the tune

Juan: Let's take to another key

Jack: Modulate and wait for me

I'll take a few ad-libs and pretty soon

The other cats will all commence

Congregatin' on the fence

Beneath the alley's only light

Matthew: Where every note is out of sight

All gang: Everybody, everybody,

Everybody wants to be a cat!

Jack: Hallelujah!

All gang: Everybody, Everybody,

Everybody wants to be a cat!

I'm tellin' you!

Everybody, Everybody,

Everybody wants to be a cat!

Yeah!

Everybody, Everybody,

Everybody wants to be a cat!

Mmm!

Everybody, Everybody,

Everybody wants to be a cat!

Hallelujah!

Everybody, Everybody,

Everybody wants to be a cat!

The whole gang danced and sang and played right out of the house, sounding like they broke through all the floors first. Matthew tucked up Kuma in a shoebox with some blankets and went up to join Juan on the roof.

"He could hardly keep their eyes open. Ah. Such an exciting day." Matthew told him. "It sure was. And what a finale." "Thomas, your friends are really delightful. I just love them." "Well, they're kinda rough, you know, around the edges, but if you're ever in a spot, wham, they're right there." "And wham, when we needed you, you were right there." Juan chuckled."That was just a lucky break for me, baby." "Oh, thank you so much for offering us your home. Oh, I mean your pad. It's very nice."

"Wow, your eyes are like sapphires. Gee. Huh. That's pretty corny,though, huh?" "No, not at all. It's kind of nice. Kuma really loves you, you know," "Yeah. That little kitten, Matthew,I love 'em." "It's going to be heartbreaking when we have to leave." Matthew sighed. "Francis will be waiting for us." "But he's just another human. You're just his house pets." "Oh no, no, we mean far more to him than that. Oh, just have to go home tomorrow." "Yeah. Well.. I guess you know best. And I'm gonna miss you, , and Kuma. Gee, I'm gonna miss him too." "Good night, Matthew." "Good night, Juan." Matthew stepped closer to Juan and gave him a quick cat-kiss, known to humans as a lick. Juan bristled, and Matthew slinked back downstairs to join Kuma in sleep.

~EWTBAC~

"Hey! Mee-oww!" Juan remarked as he traveled down the street with Matthew and Kuma. "What a classy neighborhood. Dig these fancy wigwams." "Wigwams?" "Are you sure we're on the right street?" "Yes. Yes! Let's hurry, we're almost home." Alfred saw the cats returning. "Mattie! Kuma! Hallelujah! They're back! Oh, no! Arthur! I've got to do something quick!" Arthur was sitting inside drinking wine. "Arthur, old chap, get used to the finer things of life. Someday they're all going to be yours, you sly old fox." Alfred darted by Arthur's feet and tied his shoelaces together, but as he tried to escape the wine cork rolled off the table and pinned him down. "Mouse down!"

~EWTBAC~

Kuma was the first to get to the door. He pushed against it but it wouldn't open. It was locked, so he just started to meow. Arthur spit the wine out: It can't be them! Alfred knew that this wasn't going to be good, "No! Don't come in! Go away! Away!" Kuma saw Alfred through the glass in the door, he sure looked happy to see Kuma, waving his arms like that.

"I don't know what to say. I only wish that I-" Matthew left off there. "Maybe a short, sweet goodbye would be easiest." Suggested Juan, "I won't forget you Juan Famosa." Juan smiled. "So long, baby."

Alfred tried to get the two cats to go away. "Don't come in! Look out for Arthur!" He tried to say, but they didn't hear him. Arthur opens the door for them. "Oh Matthew, wherever have you been?" Alfred saw it before they did. "Look out for th-" Arthur brought the sack over the cats, scooping them up, catching them."-sack."

~EWTBAC~

Juan began walking back down the street, looking over his shoulder. "Well. Guess they won't need me anymore." Inside, Arthur was less than pleased. "You came back. Oh. It just isn't fair." Francis's voice rang out coming down the stairs. "Arthur! Arthur, come quickly." "Coming Sir, coming!" he yelled back as he threw the sack into the oven until he could deal with them later. "Oh, Arthur, they're back, I heard them! Hurry, hurry, let them in. Matthew! Kuma! Come here, my darlings. Where are you? Come on." Francis pouted. "Uh, allow me, Sir. Here, kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty! Here, kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty!"

~EWTBAC~

Alfred talked through the oven to the cats. "His name is what?" "His name is Famosa! Juan Famosa!Run! Move! Go get him!" Matthew yelled as best as he could through the oven door. "I'm on my way!" Alfred raced out the door.

"Oh, it's no use, Arthur. I'm afraid it was just my imagination. But I was so sure that I heard them."

"I'm so sorry, Sir."

Alfred ran after Juan. "Famosa! Yo! Dude! Matthew and Kuma are in trouble! In trouble! Butler did it!" "In trouble? Look, you go get Jack and his gang of alley cats. Move! Tell him Famosa sent you and you won't have a bit of trouble." "Got it." Alfred scampered off. He went through a few alleys before finding cats. "What's a little swinger like you doin' on our side of town?" Jack asked.

"I was sent by a cat for help." Alfred told him. Jack just laughed. "I'm serious! He told me just to mention his name." "So? Start mentioning name, rodent." Ivan smiled. "His name is Famosa." "Famosa? Famosa sent you?" Alfred nodded. "Oh, We didn't mean-a to, to rough a-you, squeaky!" Veneziano apologized. "Don't worry about me! Famosa needs help! Matthew and Kuma are in trouble!" He squeaked. "Come on cats, we gotta split!" Jack yelled over his shoulder, Alfred in his paw leading the way.

~EWTBAC~

"Now, my little pesky pets." Arthur smiled "You're going to travel first class. In your own private compartment. All the way to Timbuktu. And this time, ha, you'll never come back. Oh, no, we've got to hurry. The baggage truck will be here any moment now." Arthur didn't expect Elizaveta to bite at him and stomp her hooves at him, or Juan attacking him, or the whole gang of cats for that matter. "They're over there! They're in the trunk!"

Alfred started to mess with the lock but he couldn't concentrate. "DUDES SHUT UP!" He yelled and everyone went quiet. Alfred unlocked the trunk and then fighting continued. "Everybody, outta here, fast!" Juan yelled. "You're going to Timbuktu if it's the last thing I do!" Arthur yelled, moving backwards, tripping over a cat and falling into the trunk, Juan shutting it and locking it, then everyone scattered. "Well, Lars, this must be the trunk." "Yup, and she goes all the way to Timbuktu. Let's get this loaded up Bell!" The animals all watched the trunk being carried away.

~EWTBAC~

"Now, my pets, a little closer together. Good. Good. Look, Im Soo Yong. What do you think?" Francis asked. "Very good. Very good. But I think we should get on with the will." "Yes, yes, of course, but you know what to do." Im Soo Yong sighed. "Very well. Scratch one butler." "You know, Im Soo Yong, if Arthur had only known about the will, I'm sure he never would have left." Francis looked over at his cats. "Oh mon Mathieu, how wonderful to have you all back." She pet Juan's fur down. "And I think this young man is very handsome. You snared a nice one Mathieu. Shall we keep him in the family?" Kuma mewed loudly. "But of course we will." Francis smiled.

"Now don't move. Smile. Say cheese."

Francis clicked a picture. "Thank you. Now, run along downstairs. There's a surprise for you." Some music traveled up from downstairs. "What's that music? Sounds like a gang of swinging hepcats." "That's exactly what they are, Im Soo Yong. They're the start of my new foundation." "What foundation?"

"My home for all the alley cats of Paris."

Cats: Everybody, everybody,

Everybody wants to be a cat!

Everybody, everybody,

Everybody wants to be a cat!

Elizaveta: Everybody, everybody,

Everybody wants to be a cat!

Antonio: Everybody - whopee!

Everybody wants to be a cat!

Cats: Everybody, everybody,

Everybody wants to be a cat!

~EWTBAC~

"You know something Juan?" "What is that?" He asked. They were back on the roof of Juan's pad. They visited every once in a while, just for the sake of memories. "I love you." Matthew smiled and licked Juan again.


End file.
